Saturday, July 25, 2009

Sweet Baby M

This shall be the post in which I admit my insane behavior and slightly psychotic bend. I am UNDONE by Sweet Baby M starting her Senior year of high school. I can't take it. I cry every time I think of it and sometimes even when I don't think of it outright, something reminds me of it...and I cry. I am not going to make it through registration, let alone the first day. When did she grow up? Wasn't she just kicked out of Kindermusik last week (for marching too exuberantly, no less)? Didn't I just leave her in Kindergarten yesterday? I thought we attended her Freshman orientation last night? Where did all those years go? I try praying about Sweet Baby's Senior Year and just end up I have to say "Lord, you just have to handle this without me", I try talking to friends about Sweet Baby's year and can't even get the words out, I don't even want to think about it.

Sweet Baby and I have designated this the "Year of Sweet Baby". That means that starting in must revolve around her desires. So, September we are having a State Fair which I will let myself be drug to the State Fair which I hate and spend hundreds of dollars entertaining my children with fattening fair food and overpriced rides. October will be the Horribly Haunted Halloween party. November we will celebrate Thanksgiving on the beach in Florida and more importantly my darling child will turn 18! December (I almost can't type at this point) will be Sweet Baby's LAST Christmas as a high schooler so we are going all out with an old fashioned theme in which Sweet Baby's dear father will have to face climbing on our steeply pitched roof to hang Christmas lights. On and on it shall go until we reach Spring Break and her Senior Trip which we will celebrate in New York City and then on to her graduation....wherein I shall be melting in a puddle of tears at the Coliseum or whatever venue they decide to have the graduation in. When she was a toddler she promised me she would stay my baby forever and she has broken her promise.

My fave singer, Brad Paisley, has a song "I Thought I Loved You Then" which I have changed to suit my own purposes...which I know BP would not mind because I am such a devoted fan. Everytime I hear this song I think of my Sweet Baby M.

I remember trying not to stare the night that I first met you
You had me mesmerized
And 3 weeks later in the pale moonlight taking 45 min to kiss you goodnight
I hadn’t told you yet but I thought I loved you then

Now you’re my whole life now you’re my whole world
I just can’t believe the way I feel about you girl
Like a river meets the sea
Stronger than it’s ever been
We’ve come so far since that day
And I thought I loved you then.

I can just see you with a baby on the way (this is the part that kills me!Someday my baby will be a Mommy)
I can just see you when your hair is turning gray (I hope I'm dead before that)
What I can’t see is how I’m ever gonna love you more
But I’ve said that before.

Now you’re my whole life now you’re my whole world
I just can’t believe the way I feel about you girl
Well look back some day at this moment that we’re in
And I'll look at you and say and I thought I loved you then
And I thought I loved you then...

This is so incredibly pathetic...I can just read the words and I'm bawling. It's going to be a heck of a long year.

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